Lochearnhead

Went to Scotland at the weekend
Nice to get out again
and be reminded
that I do enjoy it
But the Munros aren't going anywhere
still a few left
no rush

The Sky Falls

That aint workin thats the way you do it;
Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free.


All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,
Your answer had not been inscroll'd:
Fare you well; your suit is cold.
Cold, indeed; and labour lost:
Then, farewell, heat, and welcome, frost!
Portia, adieu. I have too grieved a heart
To take a tedious leave: thus losers part.

No, my PhD has nothing to with CERN

Actually it's more akin to the Met office.  But, like CERN, we do use lots of computers and magnets and make pretty pictures:

Dad told me yesterday that I need to develop the ability to explain my work to non specialists.  Since I think I have already learnt that, the problem must be that you have to catch me at the right time. Clearly the appropriate level is different for each individual.  This attempt starts at the scientific non specialist and progresses gradually upwards.  I have plans for a Fusion for the (interested) layman version which may be roughly based on some cartoons I drew for uncle Eddy a few weeks ago.

I'm still not sure how I feel about CERN.  As a fusion scientist it does seem like a lot of money for something with no foreseeable application.  Historically though the unforeseen applications have been some of the most interesting (like the silicon chip for quantum theory).  And as a Physicist is hard not to be interested to see what they will find.  Plus the BBC's excitement goes some way to negate the funding rivalry.  I don't resent the money they have - I just think we should have more. The space station on the other hand is another story.

Scientific megaprojects in today's money:

• CERN LHC: $5 Billion 
  
• ITER: $10 Billion
  
• Manhattan: $24 Billion
  
• Apollo: $135 Billion
  
• ISS: $157 Billion
  

I used to be a big fan of Human spaceflight, but looking at the figures it just seems like pure vanity - the science they do is minimal.  You could try to justify the cost from an exploration point of view, but then LEO is not exactly extending the frontier.  But of course I shall be watching when they do land a man on Mars.

Detachment or Destruction?

So I shall write a little about work. I make no apologies for this. After all, It does occupy the largest chunk of my waking time (and unfortunately some of my sleeping time too).

I have been trying to solve the same problem for about 5 months now. At least 5 times I have thought I had the solution only to discover a reason that whilst it might be a nice idea, it isn't ideal for our particular problem. One of these ideas I came up with turned out to be something a French guy had done in 1981 as his PhD. So months of work, and lots of things tried and the solution is still not in my hands, though I again feel it is in reach.

Through this cycle, I have become aware just how much my mood depends on how the work is proceeding. When I have left work thinking the problem is solved, all is good. When I get pulled away when I think I am on the verge of a breakthrough, I am irritable. When I am stuck, I feel depressed and am easily distracted.

Of course this phenomena is not unique to me. We all experience it to varying degrees, but perhaps PhD students amplify it since a PhD is so individual. Whilst your supervisor is a guide, the only person who you are accountable to is yourself, and you must be self driven. Clearly too much occupation with work can be destructive, but on the flip side you have to care enough about it or you will not succeed. This line of detachment or destruction is fine to walk, and I probably fall on destructive side too much.

When you are working on a difficult problem that has not been solved before, progress will inevitably be non-linear; this must be true of any PhD. I try to ride the wave when it goes well, but this can lead to working too obsessively and falling off when the wake breaks. Hence this feeds the above cycle. Hopefully being aware of it is the first step in being able to manage it better. The trick is to care about work at work, but to find a way to contain it and leave it there. Perhaps some more strict working hours would be in order.

And looking forward, I am soon to move in with some good friends so should have more distractions to go home to. Also, the problem I am working on concerns inventing a new method. Once I have it, I hope using it, and interpreting the results will be easier - or at least my more amenable to steadier progress.

So am I crazy or can anyone relate to this?

More blogging about the blog

Whilst attempting to finish the next post, I started reading back over the older ones and was surprised to find that I enjoyed my own work. Distance makes it seem better written and more interesting than I remembered. The things I have to write about now don't seem half as interesting.

I see that the previous two entries were a bit of a moan. Unfortunately for you guys I am most motivated to write now when I want to get something off my chest or when I am at my most introspective.

Discussing this with an old friend on IM he persuaded to keep going as some might be interested in the more recent stuff and just this was enough to get me collating some of the ideas that have been knocking around on virtual post-its. These are posts that have been brewing in my mind a while now, but it takes more effort to craft something thoughtful and reasoned than a rant. Hopefully some of them will be of the more speculative and interesting variety.

I have also just published something I wrote a while ago about China under the date I wrote it (April). I may also publish some of the brewing posts (if I get them finished) under the date the ideas started if it the date context is relevant.

Hmm, this is all getting a little too self referential....

Things that wind me up

• Virgin Media's shockingly intermittent internet connection
• New restrictions to what you can do with on-line banking
  
• Having a poor credit rating because of the word 'student' despite having a respectable net income and no bad debts to speak of
  
• Not being able to hire a car without a credit card
• Young driver surcharges
• The fact that driving places is so cheap and convenient compared to public transport

Each of these things I can deal with individually, even understand. But when you are just trying to get things done and these obstacles confront you every way you turn it is infuriating.

Postscript: In hindsight this post does seem a bit puerile. Of course these are not real problems, it is too easy to get wound up by the little things.

That's the end of that conversation then

Recently I have become increasingly frustrated with people who, on hearing I am doing a PhD in physics, say "Well that's the end of that conversation then" or something similar (flying cars included).

The overt implication of this is to that they are saying that they couldn't possibly understand. But what they are actually saying is either:

1) They don't believe that I am capable of explaining it to them at a level they can engage with.
2) They are just not interested (or possibly they are scared).

I actually find both of these very rude. Firstly I am developing the ability to explain my work at an appropriate level to different audiences. When people do show an interest they might learn something which they may even find interesting and exciting. But I'm no evangelist, I'm not going to try and persuade them they should be interested.

Whoever I meet I am able to engage them with and show an interest in what they do (for at least a short while, depending on what it is). Often I am very interested and enjoy these interactions.. Whether it be a study of the portrayal of Victorian social constraints in Hardy, or the econometrics of development, or human rights law, or selling polystyrene cups to petrol stations. Why should physics be any different? Personally I think that what I am doing is both important and exciting. Ignorance is excusable, rudeness is not.

That said, when people do ask the question, "What do you do?" I will no longer reply that I am doing a PhD in Physics but "I am working to create a clean and unlimited energy source for the future".